| Dear Life, love, money, friends, and roommates STOP FUCKING SUCKING. OK life.... actually life is pretty good I can not complain, but it just feels like something is massively missing. I do not know what but its missing and I hate it. LOVE well its always the same. There is no one there for me and I wanna cry. I am so sick of being alone. I worked at a wedding yesterday and wanted to cry because they were so in love and happy and cute and I wanna be in love and happy and cute. *sigh* Money well I dont have any like always. Friends well it seems that 85% of my friends are missing because they are crammed up there significant others ass. Love that... minus. Hey friends thanks for forgetting about me and being lame. roommates.... well apparently I have won worst roommate/best friend of the year. Magnificent. I have to go now I am a bitter bitch and I just want josh to call me so I can go watch entourage! oh yeah and now I am talking to ROB again... I love my life....... HUGE MINUS. |
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| so I feel like all I do is bitch when I write in here. But it is such a good way to vent.
About three weeks ago basically my life kind of just crumbled and it was horrible. I am just now starting to have the resources to fix everything and get my life back in order. It has really sucked, basically everything bad that could happen to me without people dying or being homeless or living in a third world country happened to me. I know that life could be a lot worse and really bad things could happen to me, but I am spoiled in a sense and when those things are taken from me it really sucks and its hard to go on.
They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger and well that statement has lead to be true for me.
This past year has been the biggest learning experience for me ever, and as much as I have hated it and cried and stressed, I am happy it happened. I found out a lot of things about myself and other people. I learned who real friends are, I learned what its like to fail miserably at life, I learned what it was like to be irresposible and have to pay for it. I also felt what it was like to have a broken heart again. For people who know me, you know how badly I handle stress so you can just imagine how intense it got at times for me. But I would not trade any of it. There are some things I wish were different or had worked out differently, but oh well. I stopped stressing about it a while ago. I wish I still talked to some people or that I was close with them but again I stopped stressing. I was the only one that was being driven crazy.
This is life and it fucking hurts.
Right now I am in a good place or atleast headed in a good place. and I am thankful for that. I am thankful all of this mess happened now when I am 21 instead when I am older and have a family. I have time and room to fuck up now and I am ok with that.
I feel better now. Ok bye |
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So basically since school let out I have loved my life a lot.
I was really sad when everyone moved home but I just keep telling myself they will be back in a couple months.
I
went and visited brian stakes in Buffalo (after I dropped off my
partner in crime and cried a little bit when I dropped him off at
work). I only knew his friends for one night and I felt like I knew
them my whole life. They were awesome. I love Buffalo, if I could move
there I would. It would be a wonderful place to start over like I keep
saying I want to, but unfortunately they don't have my program at any
of the colleges.
So living on my own is pretty amazing too. I
really like it a lot. Not like I had rules at home...... but it is
still pretty sweet.
I wish now more than ever things were the way they used to be. oh well.
Can
someone tell me when Cocaine came back and its used like an accesorie
like a purse or something? I have never been around drugs in my life
and now all the sudden I am finding out a lot of my friends blow coke
and its creeping me out. I don't wanna be around that shit. And why
would you do it anyways?
Hey by the way coke isn't cool at all.
Nick might come visit in July and I am so excited. I have not seen him in years. It will be a good time.
I
applied to be a hostess/bartender at Longhorn.... ill prob get the
job........ I just wanna eat Firecracker chicken wraps all day long.
omg
I need to go shower..... I am supposed to be at the bar watching the
cavs game but A. I am lazy B. I don't even really like basketball and
C. well there is not C.
k bye bye
allison |
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It/You/Him/Everything is just not even worth it anymore. |
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| I just really wanna point out that I enjoy crushes. A lot. Even if they
are tiny asians.....hahahahahaha hes not tiny at all but he is asian
and there is just something about him that gets me. Oh crushes.
ok I have to go for a walk with him now. See ya. |
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